SPRING HAS SPRUNG-DISASTER STRIKES!

A 9-9 spring(our best even even though it's not about winning). Beginning with game 14,the blooming roses wilted and up came the skunk lilies. Presumptive ace Laynce Nash imploded in that game,followed by a 45 day injury to CF Brian Lee in the last game. Lee was to take charge because of the putrid showings of Armando Pena and Eddie Matos .It's now in the shaky hands of Ken "Woops"Hayes,a rookie slugger.More later on "Crash" Nash,who only made the club because he's out of options and too promising to give away. Spring training brought some shocking surprises and disappointments as well;it was surprising to see it play such a big role due to an enormous gap between the "haves" and "have nots." Roster decisions were "no brainers" for a change. Here's a look at our Opening Day regulars and how they got there:
As expected,Juan Carrasquel will be behind the plate with capable backup Albert Maduro. It must have been something in the spring air which lifted Chris Stocker at first base ahead of Diego Manzanillo but don't look for it to last. The second baseman,for the time being anyway,is the speedy Bernie Rodney with Rule 5 pick Masou Chen(imported from Seattle) just sitting there watching and hoping to learn something. The shortstop is,of course,the grossly overpaid Angel Jose(you don't leave that much money laying around on the bench);nobody is under more pressure to produce than he is. The hot corner will be manned by the veteran Joel Stoops;his hot spring got him the job while Greg James spends a lot of time in batting practice.This is another spot which is not set in cement as James may find his groove when Stoops returns to earth. In left field is the versatile(and economical) Tom Melo.As previously mentioned,the temporary center fielder is Ken Hayes and,in right field,upstart rookie Tom Crane. Fred Puckett is waiting his turn in AAA if Crane falters.Last year's starting second baseman Rob Lewis,in addition to those already mentioned,will get splinters in his butt for the time being and DH,if needed. Turning to the mound,
veteran Ivan Blake returns as the staff ace. He's followed by Fausto Fernandez,who successfully converted to starting last season in order to get the maximum number of innings out of his 5 inning
arm. The number three spot belongs to 39 year old T.J. Coleman who is expected to miss turns frequently. In that event,veteran journeyman Farmer Roberts will move ahead a day in the rotation.The fourth arm is that of veteran Gerry Satou. Rounding out the rotation is newly-acquired Kevin Masato,coming over from Montreal. When old man Coleman is available,Masato will move to the lead role in the pen.Dario Schwartz,who came close to losing his spot on the 40 man roster,will try to provide some depth in the pen for now but faces a big obstacle in trying to jump to the big time all the way from High A. Behind him,Donn Schoendienst,who tried short starting last season,returns to the pen after a less than inspiring spring.Doug Pavlik,who hasn't cut the mustard in the past,is back for another attempt. Finally,there is the discredited aformentioned "Crash" Nash who we will now proceed to thoroghly dissect. Following his disastrous start,which was supposed to be a tuneup for opening day,testing showed high levels of alcohol and sheep urine.
He tried to explain this by claiming that the bartender was paid by the opposing team to spike his drink. Nobody's buying his story. Team officials believe that,when the bars closed and he ran out of beer,he drank the sheep urine out of desperation. This is not unusual in "Big Sky" country. T.J.Coleman admits to once trying it many years ago and P.T. Putnam is riding the pine in AAA because of continuing struggles with it. He says Coleman didn't drink enough alcohol first to kill the taste or he might have been hooked,too. Ivan Blake,a straight arrow born again believer who says he has never done it,wants to make a little extra money as the team's substance abuse counseler and advocates faith healing through Bible studies and placing the victim's hand on the TV while praying for him. All three are being considered for the job. Blake makes his case based on the importance of setting an example and being a role model. Coleman stakes his claim based on successful abstinence("been there,done that"),showing that recovery is possible and eliminating the hopelessness of victims. Putnam says,"It takes one to know one and nobody has more experience than I do." He also throws in socialization and reverse psychology,offering something to those who fail. "If that happens,we'll both go out and have a good time together."
Most put their money on Putnam,"He sure knows what he's talking about." Others favor Coleman
because of his experience on both sides of the fence. Very few take Blake seriously but you never what those crazy people in the front office might do.(hotdog)